In today’s episode, Angela joins Charlie to talk about personal change. Most of the work that’s done at Productive Flourishing is around personal transformation and self-mastery. In Angela’s new coaching role, she’s been doing more and more of this with others. Charlie and Angela share some of the changes they’ve made in their personal lives over the last year, and how their relationship fits into how they navigated these changes.
Key Takeaways:
[2:05] - For Charlie, the impetus for personal change often comes from something specific that has happened in his life, and figuring out what he can do to fix it. He is constantly changing and working on things, and likes to experiment with them in his own life before he shares them with others.
[3:15] - For Angela, she sometimes lets things get really painful (physically or emotionally) before she makes a decision to change and follows through with the decision.
[5:32] - Charlie talks about the dynamic in their house; both Angela and Charlie are coaches and empathetic people, so they’ve had to learn how to constructively invite change dialogue into their home life outside of their work. Attentive listening, thoughtful questions, and knowing the right time and context to bring up issues of habits and change help to guide their discussions.
[10:00] - One of the most counter-productive things you can do is trying to get someone to change when they aren’t ready, and they don’t want support.
[12:50] - Charlie shares a time where his daily work was presenting a type of pain or discomfort. For Charlie, working too much or too long was causing him to feel more and more pain.
[17:52] - The Kaizen approach encourages incremental, small changes over time that add up to a big effect. The trick is knowing whether it’s time to take an incremental step or tip over an edge with a big change.
[20:25] - When Charlie began noticing pain, he started to incorporate 30 minutes of movement each day, and also invited daily writing into his practice. This spurred some adjustment to his schedule so he’s only working 8 hours a day, which has affected not only him but Angela and the team as well.
[28:15] - It is important to consider how the changes will impact those around you. For Charlie, he is still uncertain and nervous about how his new practices might interfere with the relationships he has with people. Being aware of what conversations might need to happen in the face of change is important so that you can create and maintain boundaries.
[34:05] - Charlie introduces the five keys to managing change, which will be the focus of the next book he’s writing: intention, awareness, boundaries, courage, and discipline.
[37:50] - Angela shares some of the personal changes she has been making throughout the course of the last year. One of the main changes is centered around weight and diet. In February, she made a pretty dramatic change and went on a diet that helped change her metabolism. This was an important change because it would affect not only Angela, but Charlie as well.
[42:35] - He started out on the diet with Angela out of solidarity, but also had to learn a balance between encouragement and looking out for Angela’s best interests.
[47:50] - When you’re in relationships with people, some of the things that matter the most are the most awkward to talk about.
[50:36] - It is important to note that everyone will experience and handle personal change differently, based on your life experiences. Not everyone’s journey is going to be the same when it comes to the difficult, but it is important to make sure you’re on the right road for you.
[55:14] - Charlie’s invitation/challenge for this episode: Think about what incremental steps you could start taking today that would make your life a little easier. Starting with a small change can build the foundation for making other changes that could have a big payoff over the course of a year. Is there a big change you could make?
57:28] - Angela’s invitation for this episode: Be gentle - be kind with yourself, and make a purposeful decision about what it is that you want to change.
Mentioned in This Episode:
What Do You Need to Form Healthy Habits that Stick?, by Charlie Gilkey
Angela Wheeler: Spiraling Up: Healthy Changes for A Better Life (Episode 156)